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We often use “frumpy” to describe how someone looks, but frumpy is actually a feeling—one that eventually manifests in how we present ourselves.
At some point, we’ve all felt frumpy. Maybe it’s just a bad day, maybe it lasts a few weeks, or maybe you can’t even remember the last time you didn’t feel frumpy.
When I turned 40, I stopped caring so much about what other people thought of me -maybe a little too much. If you caught me at Target looking like a bridge troll, I genuinely didn’t care.
But too many days in a row of not caring started to affect my mental health.
How Stop Feeling Frumpy and Regain Your Confidence
I found myself stuck in a cycle—wearing the same sweatpants, throwing my hair in a messy bun, feeling frustrated with my reflection.
It wasn’t just about looking unpolished; it was about how that neglect reinforced the disconnection I felt from myself. I had always known that how we present ourselves physically impacts how we feel inside, but this experience cemented that truth for me. I wasn’t just feeling frumpy—I was feeling lost, unmotivated, and detached from my own well-being.
Taking care of myself physically was the first step I needed to start caring for my mental health. It wasn’t about vanity; it was about restoring a sense of self-worth and agency.
Putting effort into my appearance, even in small ways, helped shift my mindset. A fresh manicure, a great outfit, or even just brushing my hair signaled to my brain that I was showing up for myself again. And that simple act had a ripple effect on my confidence, my mood, and my overall well-being.
The good news?
Small, intentional changes can pull you out of the frump—without extreme dieting, waking up at 4 a.m. to meditate, or spending a fortune. Here are eight simple but effective ways to refresh your look and your confidence.
1. Upgrade Your Underwear
The Right Undergarments Change Everything
Your underwear is the foundation of your outfit, and the wrong ones can ruin a look. There are three essential roles underwear plays:
- Support – The right fit provides lift and enhances your natural shape.
- Structure – Helps clothing fit and drape properly.
- Confidence – Wearing high-quality, well-fitting undergarments makes you feel put together.
Here’s what to do:
Get Fitted for a Bra
If you’ve had a baby, breastfed, gained or lost weight, or are going through menopause, your bra size has likely changed. A professional fitting at a boutique or department store can transform how your clothes fit and how you feel in them.
Pro tip: Replace your everyday bras every 12-18 months for the best support. Nordstrom has a great service with trained staff that help you find the best fit for you, or, go local, lots of town have speciality stores with tons of options and equally great staff.
Invest in Comfortable Shapewear
Shapewear isn’t about restriction—it’s about smoothing and enhancing your natural shape. Find lightweight options that help your clothes fit better without feeling constricting.
Ditch the Worn-Out Undies
If your underwear has stretched-out elastic, faded fabric, or just doesn’t make you feel good, replace it. Choose comfortable, full-coverage styles that make you feel confident and feminine.
👉 See our top-rated underwear picks here.
2. Pay Attention to Fit and Details
Two key factors make an outfit look frumpy:
- Wearing clothes that are too big
- Wearing outdated styles, especially in cheap prints
Find the Right Fit
Many of us instinctively hide areas we’re self-conscious about by wearing oversized clothes. But this can actually make you look bigger and less polished. Instead, opt for tailored pieces that highlight your best features.
Edit Out Bad Prints
Prints can be beautiful, but many affordable options feature outdated or unflattering patterns. Instead of buying something just to have “something to wear,” look for prints that feel like art—ones that make you feel excited to wear them.
3. Dress with the Intention
I have a friend who gets fully dressed every morning—before her kids wake up, before she tackles her day. She swears by this habit, and she always looks effortlessly put together.
I started doing the same, even if it’s just swapping sweatpants for a matching lounge set or casual dress. Laying out your outfit the night before removes the stress of decision-making in the morning.
Try it:
- Pick an outfit the night before, even if it’s a simple but coordinated look.
- Choose one elevated piece—a structured blazer, polished jeans, or a cute sneaker—to instantly upgrade your look.
4. Create an Everyday Jewelry Capsule
Jewelry has the power to elevate even the most basic outfit. A simple tee and jeans look instantly polished with the right accessories.
How to Build a Jewelry Capsule:
- Gather your go-to hoops, studs, and delicate necklaces.
- Display them on a small tray for easy access.
- Wear your quality pieces daily—life’s too short to save them for special occasions!
- Slowly add in investment pieces over time.
👉 Shop our favorite everyday jewelry pieces.
5. Prioritize Skincare and Grooming
Consistent Skincare = Instant Glow
If you’ve let your skincare routine slide, now is the time to get back to it. Consistency is key!
- Use a good moisturizer morning and night.
- Apply SPF daily (yes, even in winter!).
- Drink tons of water to keep skin hydrated.
- Add a glow serum for a radiant finish.
👉 Read: How to Start Skin Cycling for Better Results.
The Power of Grooming
Small grooming habits make a huge difference:
- Keep nails manicured (even a clear coat makes hands look polished).
- Shape your eyebrows to frame your face.
- Use a brow pencil or gel to define and lift your look.
👉 Shop our go-to eyebrow and nail products.
Boost Your Confidence with a Faux Glow
She’s happier with a tan.
I know this isn’t for everyone, but as someone who is pasty white—not in a chic, Nicole Kidman alabaster way, but in a way that just makes me look washed out—I feel so much better and more alive with a little color. A good spray tan or quality self-tanner instantly enhances my complexion and gives me that fresh, just-back-from-vacation glow.
I swear by Loving Tan for at-home tanning and St. Tropez One Night Only for a temporary boost that washes off in the shower. And honestly, it’s crazy how mad people get when I mention this—it’s just a tan!
👉 See our top sunless tanning recommendations.
6. Take Care of Your Mental Health (Maybe the Hardest, but Most Important)
Feeling frumpy often starts from within. Take time for self-care beyond your physical appearance:
- Set boundaries and say no to things that drain you.
- Make time for activities that bring you joy, like reading or walking.
- Surround yourself with supportive, positive people.
- Seek therapy or counseling if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
A strong, healthy mindset will naturally help you feel more confident and radiant every day.
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